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i dont know if blocking you without giving you the opputunity to speak is unfair or not i dont know if i should keep talking or not im trying to pull myself out of a spiral but i dont want to make it worse for you either and your clarity and perception of the event is more important than mine im sorry that i am reacting to this so sloppy i dont know what to do but i should at least give you the opportunity to speak even though im afraid of the response and im not trying to make this about me either im really just spiraling tbh

omg im like trembling with anxiety im so sorry

I don'

I apologize for blocking just to unblock you, and now I won’t have the ability to for 24 hours so feel free to block me instead. I just want to clarify one thing, and preface that by saying that I’m not going to defend my actions and I not only understand your perspective and excluding intent you’re not wrong. I will not justify my actions and this has happened to me before. I had a conversation with myself on the car ride there about how I couldn’t joke like that. I’m disgusted with myself and find it unbelievable that an opportunity like this I would ruin with messiness. Like I don’t even know how to explain this to all of the people I’ve been so excited about to. But this is clearly a lesson that I need to be taught the hard way and now at this point it seems like something that I may need to like seek professional help over. With that being said I just want to clarify (Because I think this was the turning point) when I said that “You need to pull your pants down or something,” I meant in the sense of like fixing your bulge, not in like actually pull your pants down. That’s not any better and as I typed that out MY stomach got queasy, but it is a realization that I had on the way home. I’m not a sexual person to begin with let alone an overtly sexual person. I am honestly like disgusted and ashamed and I really do apologize and the only thing that I would try and defend is my intent however that doesn’t make a difference and that’s not for me to try and classify after the fact it doesn’t change perception on your end. This really will be the last you hear from me and I truly do apologize. I mean it when I say good luck too, you’ve got somethin’ dope.

I also just saw your personal message and from the skim reading I just did it seems both irrelevant and almost as if it appears that I just tried to immolate it so sorry for any confusion not seeing that until now may have caused.

It's very disturbing to me that you were left with that impression and I apologize. You won't hear from me again. Good luck.

and then i sent that to your damn business facebook anyway. dead.

I’m messaging your personal Facebook out of the illusion of professionalism, and you are under no obligation to read or respond to this. I’m not only annoyed that we’re in the position where I need to send you this message, but surprised that I’ve actually talked myself into doing it because for the majority of the day I was hell bent on not. I even planned to just abandon my flash drive (which I may or may not have left there) because that seems like such a cliché/cheap trick and I have like three others. I came there last night because you invited me there, and I came there not fully sure why I was asked or what I was trying to attempt. You did not structure it as an interview, and I did not think of it as an interview because that’s not what I was seeking out. That has not been in my plans, and there are a million reasons that I would not want to pursue that option. I reached out to you and came there last night because to me it seemed (and still does) like to big of a sign to not pay attention to. I honestly couldn’t tell you how exactly we got to where we ended last night, nor do I even remember what it was you said that I called and you confirmed as a low-blow. I don’t say that out of drunkenness, but I say that in the sense that it escalated so quickly and felt so outta left field that it’s hard to track. I’m also not saying alcohol didn’t/doesn’t play a role. I questioned whether or not drinking was even a good idea just because I haven’t in so long + drunk Austen is notorious for two things 1) being a douche 2) talking about sucking dick. I say all that to say - I don’t want to suck your damn dick, dude. Would I? Sure, it’s Thursday. Why not. Is it something that I’m seeking out? Never. Like ever. As you get to know me (if you do,) you’ll very quickly understand how absurd that is. Like I’m infuriated both with myself and with you that we are even having this conversation. As I (tried to) articulate, you’re not the one whose in the wrong when you really get into it, its me, and I know that. I do however have a hard time understanding what cause me to get myself in this situation so often to begin with let alone how that’s the cause when I’m not even being serious about it, and if we’re being a hundred percent honest I have a hard time contemplating the issue fully. None of that is your concern, and you don’t owe me understanding that. You don’t owe me shit. Nor do I you. I don’t think either one of us are in a position of needing the other, but I think both of us are in the position of being able to help each other out tremendously. If that’s not how its meant to go down, then it’ll go down how it’s supposed to, but the majority of the night (from my perspective) went better than expected up until the last half hour. As I said, alcohol is probably a factor on both ends as is defensive escalation. This would be a stupid way for this to end, but I don’t fight for shit either. I think your work is dope. I’m impressed with what I saw. I think we have similar styles and could learn from each other just as much as we could teach. As far as a few of your comments that don’t have to mean anything going forward but could mean something if you choose to double down on them; 1) I wasn’t looking for a job 2) I don’t operate with the mentality that because you have an established business you are somehow superior to me 3) I don’t operate with covert or sneaky behavior 4) I could easily not have messaged you, I could have easily let it die when I walked out the door, and I could easily not send this message and/or completely move on with my life and it have no repercussions beyond what ‘could have been.’ Now that I’ve seen your work, seen your place, felt your vibe – yeah dude if you’re offering a job lets start discussing that. For me that discussion begins here though and I wasn’t under the assumption that it had for you either. I didn’t assume to be looking, I didn’t assume you to have the structured into your plan at all let alone for there to be a spot open this early on, I didn’t think other people would be offering, and I didn’t know if it’s something that I would even want to be apart of. I’ve seen very little of your work. You’ve seen 6mins of mine. I’ve seen enough to know that we could create some fire ass collabs, and I know that if you really dug into my shit you’d be impressed asf and you’re the one with a business on the line, not me. I don’t say that in the sense that without me you’re fucked, or that you don’t have the code cracked with what you’ve got going on, clearly you do, but I think that I could advance that beyond your expectations. You don’t have to believe that, and you have other options. Call them if you’d like. But I am cocky enough to say that I’ll out-do any of them in every regard – quality of content, understanding of the business, work ethic, whatever. Like if you wanna talk about how much money I’ve made in the last month my counter argument would be let’s instead discuss how much money I could make you in the next month. Again, you don’t owe me believing that. And you don’t have to. Move on and I will as well, with the same life and business model that I’ve been operating under. And we’ll both do fine. And may the best man win. That’s honest to God how I approach the shit dude. If you’d like me to present you with an acutual portfolio I’d be glad too. If you wanna give me some challenges to test, I’d honestly love that, as I said I wake up and spend all day on this shit so worst case scenario you just provided me with something for my portfolio and saved yourself some hours on a throw away. If you’d like me to fuck off, my pleasure. It's not something that I'm going to fight for, but it is something worth at least a messages worth of effort. Like it’s really up to you dude. I’m really cool with whatever. I think the idea of it ending like that is stupid but that’s how shit goes sometimes.

so its always awk when it first comes up with people buuuuut i actually havent kept a cell phone in over a year haha

alright dude ill be heading out here in like 20mins ive been trynna finish this thing i wanted to bring w me but im hype to get there plus i want a drink lmao im hoping in the shower real quick and then ill be on my way

Perfect

Cool!

Ooooo I see. Grab some wine

Dark liquor* wow idk where's sleep came from

Every time I drink I sleep in my life it is turned into something that nobody was prepared for

Dark liquor stoopid 😂😂

That works for me dude my cash app is $tenaustay just let me know what you like

I'll paypal/cashapp you if you wanna bring something? Haha

Cool. Just hmu

I'm here now and i'll probably be around until 11 or so. Ha.

Like I couldn't can but it just depends what time you'll be there it'll be a bit later

I was going to say lol it seems like that would kind of be a late night hangout place but that's all the timing issue on your end

Hey dude just wanted to touch base I'm planning on coming in tomorrow is that cool?